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Zomg Smells Welcome Back Leftovers

$ 3.50

Cake & Failure
Vanilla, sweet buttercream icing, neroli, stiff-as-cardboard fondant roses, a touch of petitgrain for the sour wang of despair, earthy patchouli root for deep-rooted fears, dirt to rub your face in for a really good wallow in misery before you graduate to catharsis, and milk to moo-ve on. Hoof it. You heard me. Don't stay cowed.

Cheesecake-Hunting Saddle
Sometimes you need to saddle up and hunt some cheesecake. Need I say more? Saddle leather, sandalwood, a touch of oak and cedar, and a plethora of sweet treats from your local French bakery: cream cheese frosting, cream puffs, vanilla cheesecake, and a lingering hint of espresso to wash your sweet loot down.

Dr. Zomg's Extremely Reliable Callipygian Embiggener
Embiggener is without a doubt a triumph of form: your triumph, and your form. It represents countless picoseconds of research and purely mental footwork by the illustrious and fully accredited Dr. Zomg* and her hapless assistant**, culminating in this purity of motion*** contained in a tiny jar also known as a bottle****. If you put this substance on your skin, you will immediately feel moderately damp in the precise location of application. Do not be concerned! This is merely a sign that it is working. Soon, with the proper mindset and repeated diligence, you too will know the glory that so many seek-- greater callipyginity. Nay, perhaps even increased amounts of callipygination! Others will immediately begin to consider you more callipyginous***** (especially the ancient Greeks-- yes, this product is effective even across the centuries, upon philosophers, playwrights, heterae and statesmen long dead!). Know this and rejoice.
THIS IS A REAL PRODUCT.******
* not actually a doctor
** pretty hapless, though
*** it only moves if you shake it. Don't shake it with the cap off
**** yep. It's in a bottle
***** but they might not say anything about it, because they're shy
****** actually, it is a real product you can order. From here. Although it won't do anything to your butt

Have a Great Evening Bat
Perfect for the last hurrahs of summer weather OR for remembering them wistfully while wrapped in a dozen scarves, this olfactory wish for you to have a seriously pleasing evening floats on a sweet, gentle Japanese green tea musk, sandalwood, and calm chamomile. There's honeysuckle on the breeze, and you're holding an absinthe cocktail in one hand and a tiny plastic sword-full of watermelon and kiwi slices in the other. Life is good.

Major Hottington
Creamy, smooth, sophisticated, and dirty. White ginger, sharp amber, classic old-fashioned masculine geranium, fancy polished boot leather, and boot-stomped dirty vanilla. I am not exaggerating when I say this is one of my favorite masculine scents I've made in years.

SPROING!
Full of restless hope as we look toward Spring: green shoots, early cherry blossoms, warming earth, crocus flower, white musk, jasmine tea, pollen, and early honey-- because the air is still a bit nippy, and warm tea does not go amiss as the sweet outside air turns lavender with evening. (No actual lavender is in this one, though).

The Stuff
Two sandalwoods, Atlas cedarwood essential oil, and a touch of bergamot turn into a remarkably sophisticated blend on any skin I've yet tested, classy as hell and really top-notch. Wear it to dates, interviews, defending your thesis, writing a novel, sculpting your next masterpiece-- anything where you want to to feel a little more confident and powerful. It's low-key and subtle, but ah-mazing.


 

Decants=8x35mm vials, Minis=3ml bottles. Full sized bottles are stocked at ZOMG Smells.  As limited edition collections, these scents will be allowed to sell out.



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